MISUNDERSTOOD

A sample situation taken from http://www.my-counseling-site.com/gender_differences.html

A young woman and her fiancé are planning their upcoming wedding. It is a highly tension filled and exciting time for both of them. They are talking about the reception. The woman asks her fiancé, "Which centerpiece do you think is best? Do you like the large one with all the flowers or the smaller one that has our engagement picture?" The young man looks at both centerpieces, turns to his bride to be, and responds: "uh, I don't care." The bride, who is very excited and emotionally "charged" about the upcoming wedding, looks at her beloved in disbelief, starts to cry, and runs from the room. The young man is totally dumbfounded. He thinks to himself, "What did I do wrong?"

From a male's gender perspective, he was answering her question
and stating that he didn't have any preference.

From a female's gender perspective, what did she hear?

I DON'T CARE!

Gender difference in Communication

         Generally, men and women respond differently in terms of communication.Take the video shown above as an example. Rachel spent almost a minute trying to describe how Ross kissed her while Ross tell the details succintly to his male pals in almost 4-5 seconds only. I guess this affirms my hypothesis that women think and decide aloud while men converse precisely with all their points out as they think silently. I remembered talking to a male pal on the phone. He asked me how I was and I answered in almost thirty seconds what happened to me all through out the day. Then, he told me that he was just asking me how I was and not to recite my daily activities. Quite embarassed, I asked him how he was and he answered me, "Im good".

 

         In non verbal communication, I have the tendency to nod repeatedly in the class discussions to show that I am listening attentively. I also listen to each and every word to convey the meaning and write it down, in full details. And studies have shown that women show attentiveness through verbal and non verbal cues. Many men avoid these cues to keep from appearing "one-down." Most men do not listen attentively and are selective listeners. They only listen to the main points of the conversation.Men also dont like taking down notes.

          The reasons for communication of a man is to seek control, and thus tend to interrupt others while women seek to develop relationships by emotional connections so they tend to share more openly compared to men.

Who should be blamed?

IMAGINE.
First day of Class.

                    As a student, you perceive that its' a fresh school year to study, to explore, and to learn more.You are oh-so-excited to go to your classroom and listen to your teacher's "words of wisdom". You had your notebook, pen and yourself ready for another semester of feeding your heart, soul and most especially, your mind. Then, your professor came and discussed the lessons and whollah, your excitement vanished. You're disenchanted with the professor's unfriendly, boring and uber-serious kind of teaching. You think that he did nothing but to talk none sense and so you've decided not to listen anymore. On the other hand, the professor thinks he teaches well. He talks generously and often provides examples from his personal experiences.  His equipped with props,visual aids and tons of knowledge regarding his subject. For him, the lessons would easily be understood, as long as the students cooperate and listen attentively. Days passed and he gave a quiz. Unfortunately, the student failed, and the "BLAME GAME" started. The student blamed the professor about his score and vice-versa. Now, WHO should be blamed?

Would it be

                    In most classes, the professor is the main speaker. He is responsible to relay and convey his lessons effectively to his students. He must be acquainted enough not only in his lessons but also in dealing interactively with his students. The students should not lose interest in him, or else they would also lose interest in studying.How could the students listen attentively if the professor doesn't know how to clearly state and elaborate what he wanted to say? He needs to make sure that his voice could be heard, his terms are not too complex, and his ideas are precise. An effective speaker must know how to make his talk lively, entertaining and interactive, all the time.

Or

                   Well,most of us know that an effective communication process involves a source and a receiver. The student, in this case would be one of the receivers and/or listeners. I believe that the responsibility for listening well is on the listener. Interpersonal effectiveness needs not only expressing our thoughts but also listening to what others has to say. Even if the one that would lead a talk would be a Toastmasters champ, a listener would not understand anything if he is preoccupied with something else. The student should know how to control his thoughts and obtain respect for the speaker. All of the speaker's preparations and visual aids would be useless if the listener is not ready to cooperate. Listening attentively means one understands what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the other person’s own perspective. If a student knows how to listen effectively, understanding the lessons and acing a test would never be difficult.

In reality, communication is a 100% responsibility by both the listener and the speaker.

I am beautiful,no matter what they say

Beautiful

Media is one of the most powerful tools for persuading people.It dictates what,where and when to shop,eat and live.It provides most of the information and at the same time,entertainment.It is very influential and ineradicable to our lives.

Media also defines beauty.Actually,it produced beauty stereotypes.As I searched for beautiful women, this is one of the pictures that popped out.

Who told us that she's pretty?Its' the Media.She's pretty because she's fair,skinny,kinda blonde and sexy.That's the stereotype right?Then, I continued searching for a picture with the label, ugly girl and this is what I've found.

I don't know if she labelled herself  "ugly"or someone did it to her.And she's not ugly for me.

Media made depression among teenagers much worse as the teens become pressured from the society,their peers (they are already lucky if they have one) and the people around them. They must join the fad of being fair,tall,and skinny.Those who didn't fit in the fad rules would be outcasts and bullied.As a result,more teenagers would chose to be anorexic in order to belong rather than to be bullied and laughed at.

My classmates started to tease me "pig" when I was on my fifth grade. I wasn't very fat. I think my weight was just appropriate for my age.But for my other classmates, I looked overweight already.It continued until I reached Highschool.At first, I ignored them.But on my Third Year, I realized that I'm not pretty because I increased weight.I started a wrong diet which resulted to ulcers.From time to time I would check my waistline and got depressed everytime I didn't lose a centimeter.I joined the C.A.T and did lots of trainings and push ups.But my weight stayed the same.I envied celebrities,looking at how easy it is for them to be and to stay pretty and sexy.I promised that if I'm earning already, I would go to Belo for a lipo,skin whitening,facial and a lot more procedures.I was not confident with myself and my self-esteem was very low.

Women got more pressures than men in terms of "the standards of beauty" because I guess,men doesn't really care.Well,some of them might do,but women are associated more with vanity than men.Women spend more time in the restrooms than men,more time in the Department Store than men,more time in the toiletries section than men,and a lot more.This could imply that women could possibly have more insecurities than men brought by media's influence and persuasion.

Our communication anxiety would be reduced if we stop thinking about the petty problems caused by our physical imperfections and start relating with other beautiful people.
As Christina Aguillera sings, "I am beautiful, no matter what they say. Words can't bring me down."

Aim high,even if you're feeling down

"At ang ating Binibining Luzon ay si..."

I was there at the stage,smiling at the crowd, with my stomach in and chest out but deep within, I was trembling.There were only two titles left and my name was not yet called."Lord,please let me win,please Lord.Even just the first runner up Lord, so that the efforts of Tito Richard (my ever-supportive stepfather) and Mama wouldn't go to waste Lord", I murmured the little prayer while waiting for the announcement of the "Binibining Luzon" (first runner up) and the "Lakambini' for our "Buwan ng Wika" celebration.

Why am I trembling? I was trembling because I wanted to win but I felt that my classmates don't feel the same for me.They were the ones who chose me to represent our class, but I didn't see any support from them (Yes,I'm very sensitive). I was hesitant to join at first; knowing that my family and step family wouldn't want me to join in contests that requires spending some cash (and for this case,Lakan at Lakambini involves money contest) but I finally agreed when our adviser told me that its' "once in a highschool's lifetime experience".

My parents supported my decision to join the pageant but warned me not to tell anything about it to Nanay (my step Grandma) because she might get mad knowing that they would spend money for me and a simple event.

And that was the first obstacle.

Mama and I couldn't go to places farther than our town to find a Filipiniana because Nanay might ask what took us so long and where we came from,another thing was that we must keep everything that we buy for the "Lakan at Lakambini" like my accesories and heels so that she wont get a hint.

The second hurdle was selling the tickets. I'm not good at marketing myself!With the help of my bestfriend, Niña and my parents we were able to collect 2,500 pesos. Its' okay, I don't want to spend much money for the tickets either.And so I ranked 7th or 8th out of 9 candidates.The others gave 10,000 and plus pesos.

And the day came,I felt so insecure and inferior.My filipiniana wasn't nice,its not suited for daytime use because its' dark gold hue,my accesories were plain and simple,and my classmates showed no support.While my co-candidates are looking good,confident with their gaily attires and got a nice shot of audience impact.

Inspite the heat,the no support crowd,the dull and simple gown,the insecurity,and the inferiority, I still managed to dream and think.I wanted to win!So how would I win if

• I don't have audience impact
• I didn't sell much tickets
• My Filipiniana was plain and simple
• I just rented it from our town's public market
• all of my contenders were "the opposite"

and the answer to my inquiry was the Q and A portion.  I must prove to them that their money,vibrant costumes and funny makeup artists are useless if they don't have brains.I didn't lose faith and the next thing I've heard was the audience's applause for my answer (which I couldn't remember anymore,the same thing with the question).

"At ang ating Binibining Luzon ay si  Alyssa Louise Lozanes mula sa ika-siyam na baitang ng San Mateo".

Yes!I've won. I was hailed as the first runner up in the competition that gave me lots of reasons to quit and give up.

Always dream, and make it happen.

The single picture that I got from the Lakan at Lakambini '08

guilty

As we have discussed ethnocentrism in our class, I remembered two holy verses from the holy bible. Its' from Gen 1:26-27 "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."
I believe in that statement.We are made according to His own image and likeness (isn't that amazing?);therefore making us beautiful and definitely not the least of all creatures. And because of that belief,everyone must be treated equally,and no one has the right to feel superior,except from Him,Our Lord, Our Creator.
Ethnocentrism proves that life goes the other way around.Others feel superior by praising themselves and criticizing others.The superior group credits themselves as the important one,which results in formulating another group;the "outcast","the black",or the "dull ones"depending on their situation and differences.
Its' alarming to know that ethnocentrism's definition (the tendency to believe that one's ethnic or cultural group is centrally important, and that all other groups are measured in relation to one's own)does not completely state the scope of ethnocentrism's impact in our daily life.Ethnocentrism is not just about racial discrimination,not only about separating the whites from the blacks,the yellows from the red,or even the Cebuanos from the Ilonggos.Ethnocentrism is also manifested everytime we choose our friends and letting someone to play as the outcast,everytime we admire only the physical attributes of a person,everytime we judge someone as a criminal due to his looks,or everytime we would like to lead  coz'we think were the smartest,everytime we tend to greet only our teachers and not the school's janitors,and everytime we are powered by over-confidence.All of these things are not healthy deeds for our souls because it only promotes selfishness,crab mentality,vanity,pride and being self-centered which do nothing but ruin the relationships that must be flourished and nourished with God's grace.Ethnocentrism might be a new word to my ears,but not to my eyes,as I've witnessed its' existence and has proven myself guilty of it at some point in my life;but that's it,I don't want to be an ethnocentric individual once again!Each and everyone must belong man!You must do your share.